New Bedford – Out of nowhere a flock of owls started “bombing” a salon in the north end, pummeling a hair stylist who happened to be outside smoking. The “bombs” were clumps of cigarette butts.
There is no word on where the owls were able to acquire such ammunition.
The woman quickly jumped into her car and closed the door and raised the windows. She had already been covered with ashes and half-smoked cigarettes.
Witnesses said the attack appeared to be very focused on the woman, mentioning that other smokers in the area were not affected. Little old ladies going in to get beautified were also left unsoiled.
“Looks like they found me again,” the woman lamented, “They have attacked me before, but I was hoping they’d leave me alone at this location.”
That hope was dashed as other cluster of ashes slammed into the roof of her car.
The woman ran into the salon and came out with a hair pick taped to a broomstick. She started trying to skewer low flying owls.
“I only need to get one or two to have a smoked owl dinner tonight.” she claimed. “They go well with roasted potatoes and spicy mustard.”
The owls seemed unfazed.
A chat with a spokes-owl revealed a long running feud between the flock and the owl-hating woman. The battle started years ago when (they claim) the woman disrespected owls by smoking and singing, badly, in their presence.
The woman denies that claim, saying they attacked first by pecking at her fingers while she was in the yard minding her own business, smoking and humming a popular tune.
Owls hate smoking, and bad tune singing.
A witness reports that before this attack, the stylist was singing while standing outside the salon smoking.
“I bling food to customer,” a Chinese restaurant delivery person reported, “when I see owl bomb nice raidy with cigalettes. Not nice. Bad smell. I lun inside to get a splay to hide odor.”
It seems the smoking, the singing, and the sharp eyes of the wide-eye-owl network helped the flock to find their target. Apparently they’ll stop at nothing to stop the woman from antagonizing the owl community.
“I’ll find a way to end this harassment,” the hair dresser vowed, “even if it means making owls in the city illegal.”
The spokes-owl countered that owls will never be ill-eagles.
Since the incident, the car has been washed, the debris swept up, and the area was sprayed with deodorizer.
