New Bedford – It seems the wide-eye-owl network was successful once again in hunting down a perceived enemy. A hairdresser has been attacked by a flock of kamikaze owls, injuring not only the salon owner, but destroying her prized flower garden.
The woman was working in her garden, removing weeds and adding mulch when she suddenly felt a tug on her beautiful hair. She looked up, swatted, and then noticed it was a crazed owl, standing on her head, trying to grab at the cigarette she was smoking.
She screeched then whacked the attacker. The owl slammed into the garage wall before recovering and flying off.
“Image an owl trying to steal my cigarette!” the victim said, “I’ll never
give them up, especially to a flying big eyed pest.”
As she stood up to recover from the assault, and light a fresh cigarette, several owls swooped in from different directions, heading straight for the tobacco stick.
“I wasn’t going to stand there and be pummeled by owls,” the stylist said, “I was going to give them a free makeover. I picked up my garden shovel and started swinging. One, two, three I whapped each foul fowl owl into the garage wall. They fell, wounded, into my garden making a mess. I turned some of them into a very special mulch that evening.”
The garage wall has since been cleaned and painted.
A surviving spokes-owl claimed the woman is a long time nemesis, having captured and tortured owls in the past. It took the flock years to recover her last assault, but a recent change in owl leadership made the decision to hunt her down and seek revenge.
Apparently it didn’t go as expected for the owls.
The owls claim the woman smokes just to antagonize them. They indicate the owl shaped ashtray she keeps on her garden workbench. She does this on purpose, they claim.
The woman claims she doesn’t even think about owls while smoking.
In another attempt to get even, several owls working together were able to grab the shovel and tried to drop it on her head. They missed and ending up killing a young lilac bush.
“A innocent plant is destroyed because of intolerant owls,” the stylist mused. “I will replant,” she declared while lighting up another cigarette.
There has been no word on whether the flock can recover this time and possibly wage another battle in the future.
Meanwhile, the award winning salon owner bought a new lilac bush, and a carton of cigarettes.
